Emotional Intelligence: the Secret to Becoming Irresistible

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Have you ever met an irresistible person?  Some people seem to make friends effortlessly, influence others’ behavior, and maintain control of situations.  They radiate with confidence and their energy is contagious.  These individuals possess emotional intelligence, the ability to identify and manage their own emotions, while adapting their behavior to influence others.  Whether your goal is to become a brilliant leader, or to become an exceptional salesperson, emotional intelligence is the key to unlocking success in your relationships.  Let’s take a look at emotional intelligence and how to cultivate it.

What is emotional intelligence?

There are four components to emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and social skills.  Emotionally intelligent individuals are self-aware, meaning that they understand their strengths, weaknesses, and emotions.  They possess the ability to regulate their emotions, realizing that they cannot control situations but they can control themselves.  They have the capability to understand how others feel, and the skills to communicate calmly and effectively.  To put it simply, people with a high level of emotional intelligence understand themselves and how to effectively impact those around them.

Cultivate emotional intelligence: understand yourself

To become an emotionally intelligent person, you must first understand yourself.  What motivates you?  How do you respond to stress?  What are your core values and the brand you wish to display to the world?  If you need help understanding yourself and how you tick, take a few notes.  Spend time each day reflecting on your actions until you understand your emotions and behaviors.  Ask a few honest friends, family members, or coworkers how others perceive you.  The next time you are faced with a challenge, actively monitor your emotions and actions.  Once you understand yourself, you will find it easier to regulate your thoughts, emotions, and ultimately, behaviors.

Cultivate emotional intelligence:  understand others

The next time someone does something that upsets you, try to place yourself in their position and understand where they are coming from.  For example, if your boss constantly micromanages everything, try to imagine how stressed they must feel since they lack the ability to delegate.  They probably feel immense pressure and live in fear that something will go wrong.  Once you understand how they feel, you will be better prepared to help them trust your ability and allow you to do your job.  You might even try to proactively ask for their approval or advice, which will help build their confidence in your capabilities as you show them what you had planned to do and ask for their sign off.  You might try to ask open ended questions to understand others.  For example, “Will you help me understand what happened in this situation?”

Cultivate emotional intelligence:  learn to control your emotions and behaviors

Individuals with emotional intelligence know how to maintain control of their own feelings.  They recognize negative emotions and act with poise and grace.  Emotions cannot overwhelm these individuals or impact their judgment.  To improve your emotional intelligence in this area, change the way you think about situations and reduce negative personalization.

For example, view the micro-manager objectively.  Understand that their behavior is not a reflection on you; it is a reflection of their own insecurity.  Try to find the good in each situation, even it is a valuable lesson learned.  Reduce your fear of rejection by lining up several options.  For example, if Plan A does not work, turn to Plan B, then C and so forth.  When stressed, stay calm, take deep breaths, and dwell the image you want to project to the world.  What is the ideal outcome of the stressful situation?  How should you act if you are in line with your brand?  Never speak out of anger or give in to knee-jerk reactions, but be proactive instead of reactive.

Cultivate emotional intelligence:  develop healthy habits

Emotionally intelligent people are irresistible to others, because they radiate confidence and make others feel special.  They never search for validation because their strong sense of self-worth comes from within, and they constantly provide validation to others.  To further cultivate emotional intelligence, you need to develop healthy habits in your daily interactions.  Treat everyone with respect, no matter how insignificant the interaction may feel.  You really are no more special than anyone else on this planet.  We have a limited time here, and no idea when our time is up, so there is no reason to be proud or act like you are better than anyone else.

Do your best to treat others the way they want to be treated, not the way you want to be treated.  Each human being you come across has something special to offer this world, so treat them like the amazing individual they are!  Show genuine interest in other people, and find meaning in your interactions whenever possible.  Not only will this help you become an irresistible person, but it will greatly enhance your quality of life!  You will find meaning in everyday circumstances and begin to understand that you can change someone’s life with a little bit of encouragement.  Irresistible people focus on others instead of themselves.


Whether you are trying to become a sales ninja, an exceptional leader, or just trying to build a community, emotional intelligence is the key to unlock meaningful relationships that will help you succeed.

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